_{You should enter! They're neat.}

So, I started this account when I was thirteen. 

I don't know if y'all know any smart thirteen-year-olds, but I wasn't one. I was irritating, my sense of humour tended toward 'ohemeffgee lolsorandom xD rawr' [it was 2007, bite me] and my art style certainly left something to be desired. Still, I kept this account and it's been with me through a lot. 

About two years ago I decided to be active on DA again. I hid all the deviations I couldn't stand to look at [primarily, this meant those with embarrassing commentary. The artwork itself was done by a younger version of myself and though it was not very good, it didn't bother me much to display it]. I did not become active again. But I was different person even then than I am now, and I've unhidden all of my old deviations for the time being. I'm going to sweep through them again soon to suss out what really is worth being in the gallery or those I am too embarrassed to show the world for one reason or other.

Not sure when I'll get around to it; maybe today, maybe in two years.

Anyhow, this is a warning. All my old shit is unveiled if you want to sift through it, or shield your eyes until I can clean up again.

<sub>What a fuck of a thing to update with after two years:

There's a really neat closed species MYO event and y'all should check it out!

<da:thumb id="678093729"/>

I'll be updating with mine soon and you'll probably be seeing a lot of them. Why not join the fun?</sub>

Heeeyyyooooo.

So I haven't added to my gallery in over a year, and my Journal hasn't seen an update in more than two.

I haven't died! Probably.

I'm in college right now. For the last two years I've been pursuing art classes, which have made me:

I. Unable to concentrate fully on things outside of classwork, which is more about technique and doesn't really fall upon the sort of subject matter that I think of as 'mine', you know? I tend to concentrate on my characters/fanart, not a pencil-shaded seashell or charcoal self protrait.

II. Incredibly disenchanted with everything I do. The more wonderful work I see, the less I like anything I've done. I still draw things of my own occasionally, I've done that the whole time, but they're not really up-to-par as full deviations. I've been throwing them on tumblr occasionally because it's less formal.

I've been trying to accept that the point where I consider something 'done' varies wildly by piece. My stylistic tendencies fall on 'sketchy' anyway, though I do full lineart every so often. But sometimes all I want for a particular thing is a bunch of messy lines and swipes of colour. I haven't felt like most of these where worth posting, though as I cleaned up my gallery over the summer and went through things, I've noticed that I used to be entirely okay with it and my watchers did, too. I decided to come back and start posting again. I changed my name over to the one I identify myself with nowadays, I stashed the things I couldn't look at and felt better.

Then I hit the journals section. And you can't stash Journals, so far as I can tell.

I've had this account forever! It's been through my ups and my downs and an unpleasant chunk of my adolescence. I was thirteen when I started it. At twenty-one I look back on my commentary and cringe. The reason most of the stuff I stashed was hidden wasn't the art--I was young and growing, sure I make faces at it, but it's sort of cute. I have no shame in the way I used to draw. But the way I wrote or thought is a little embarrassing, which I'm sure everyone can understand. My journals are the absolute worst.

But I don't want to get rid of them.

I am unwilling to close that window to my younger self and let its contents dissipate into the digital ether. I am also unwilling to make a new account, as this one holds fond memories among the bad ones. I like the people of met here [many of whom no longer speak to me] and the things this community has opened up to me. 

I'll be coming back.

Expect sudden boom of uploads over the next few days [there aren't actually that many. it's more like a 'vague clapping noise' of uploads. But a comparative explosion after a year of nothing]. If you have suggestions for the Journal conundrum, I'd still like to do something about it and would appreciate input. I've missed several of DA's notorious updates in my absence and it could jsut be that I cannot locate the option. In the meantime I'll be doing a bit of profile clean-up and trying not to squick too much about what I find. Feel free to introduce [or re-introduce] yourself! I've a litany of messengers and I like to chat, though frankly, I'm a bit of an axe-wound.

Perhaps more later.

TLDR; I'm not dead, see ya soon.

...I'm sure you all have an equally atrocious way to end the rhyme.

in any event, my significant other is taking commissions! and is kind of getting kicked out, so the extra money would really help.

fav.me/d5sea9i Gogogo!